Singed's Bar
by Mister Doctor Professor Guy
Summary: Singed and Gragas co-own a bar in the Institute of War! Everything human/yordley possible happens, including ROMANCE! Not really. Maybe. Perhaps! WARNING: ultimate crackiness follows. Rated T to be safe.
1. Intro!

For all intents and purposes, let's just say Singed and Gragas co-own a bar in the Institute of War. Kay? Kay.

League of Legends belongs to Riot Games. Need an account? Go to my profile!

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><p>"When'd you come up with this idea, Singed?" It was Gragas.<p>

"Well, every since you joined, I've been thinking about it. I finally decided to make it! Whaddaya think?", responded Singed nodding.

Gragas looked the place over, before responding. "I think you could use a counter."

Singed sighed. "Yeah, I think we're missing a lot."

"Don't forget somewhere to put the drinks. And drinks."

"Why don't you just work with me?" Responded Singed, getting fed up.

"I thought you'd never ask!" Replied Gragas, hiccupping.

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><p>And thus started Singed's bar, with help from Graggy. Or something.<p> 


	2. DEMACI Duh

CHAPTER 2

I think you'll know what game their referencing. Anyway, enjoy chapter two!

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><p>As Gragas and Singed walked over to the newly opened bar, they noticed something; all the beer was missing. They also noticed that the entire bar was in disarray, and a trail of mugs led behind the counter. As Gragas just stared at the mess, Singed counted. "3, 2, 1…"<p>

All of a sudden, Garen jumped out from behind the bar with a loud "DEMACIAAAA!" and started to spin around, an empty mug in his hand. After about 4 or 5 seconds, he passed out. Singed and Gragas stared at him. "I think he's drunk", Gragas noted after about a minute. "No, you think?" replied Singed. "Hey, wait, I got a great idea. Where's Yorick's room again?" asked Gragas. Singed, slightly confused, looked around before pointing down a hallway to their left. Graggy picked up the still-unconcious Garen and carried him down said hallway, while Singed cleaned up.

As Gragas neared the room, he heard two voices. One was very deep and menacing, while the other sounded very natural. "Dammit, put the Peashooter here!" "No, it won't get enough sunlight!" "It doesn't matter, the undead will kill them anyway!" "Why don't we just play against each other, Yorick?" "…Shut up Maokai." Gragas laughed in his head, laid Garen on the ground in front of the door, knocked, then ran. Yorick, after opening the door, told Maokai; "I'll be out for a bit. Make sure the-Oh, you lost, great job." "Shut up!" Yelled Maokai as Yorick, shovel in one hand and Garen in the other, walked off, with that strange walk of his.

Singed and Gragas were about halfway through the day. So far, they've had to: give Annie lemonade (which Gragas, to no avail, tried to put Graggy Ice in), avoid Lux, who was looking for Garen, and break up a fight between Graves and Twisted Fate. All of a sudden, there was a loud yell: "WHO DID THIS?" Gragas immediately burst out laughing, as well as Yorick from who knows where. Garen stomped into the room, getting threatening looks from Alistar, who thought he was stealing his passive. Garen was covered in dirt, grass, and had a ghoul hugging his foot. Gragas pointed at Singed, Singed pointed at Gragas, and Morgana threw a pie.

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><p>Again, sorry for the length and shortness, but I've had this idea for a while and couldn't really find something to add to it.<p>

If you didn't get the game Yorick and Maokai were playing, it was Plants vs. Zombies. Stay tuned for part three!


	3. Of Buffs and Nerfs

So, before I start this chapter, I'm doing a PSA.

Not too long ago, I learned of a summoner who left us, in a literal sense. His Summoner Name was Unholy Bullets, and he commited suicide for reasons I do not know. I did not get the pleasure to play with him, but I heard about him in a forum thread. People, suicide is NOT the answer. I've been there, I know what it's like. As someone said: Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Do not go there. Now, on with the chapter.

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><p>Singed hands over a large crate of booze to Malzahar with a smile, or so we guess from the bandages. "Thanks again Malzy-" "Shut up" interrupts Malzahar instantly. "I hate having to get the beer for those locked up guys." Malzahar is, of course, referencing Kog'Maw, Cho'Gath, and usually Brand. Of course, someone has to set Brand's on fire, so there's the additional annoyance of finding Annie. Gragas pulls out a microphone from a large stack of electric equipment, which Blitzcrank and Orianna may or may not be doing something in. Hint: They aren't. "Alright, the bar is closed for the state of the League announcement, everyone!" Announces Gragas. Groans are heard, but everyone pays attention as High Summoners Phreak and Morello walk on stage. A couple hallways away…<p>

"So, you got put on new champion duty this time?" Asks the new champion, Ahri. The red-haired champion nods in return. "Yeah. Hang on a sec." Leona swings her shield, knocking away a red parrot who was flying towards her. "Stop stalking me!" Yells Leona, as the parrot flies off dissaprovingly. Leona shakes her head and leads Ahri towards the stage.

"After intense consultation, the High Summoners have unanimously decided that Tryndamere's powers are creating an imbalance in the League matches." Announces Phreak. Tryndamere groans, while Gangplank, Yorick, Rumble, Riven, Skarner, and all the other Solo Toppers rejoice. "That is why we have decided to limit the abilities of Irelia." Announces Morello. Irelia simply stares, and runs off. "We're also doing the same thing to Evelynn." Everybody looks around for said blue-skinned girl, who is, of course, invisible. "Also, we are re-introducing the Snowdown version of Summoner's Rift, for the summoner's enjoyment." Says Phreak. Everybody except Lee Sin groans and yells something about "That glare hurts my eyes!" Lee Sin just sits there, utterly confused.

After the State of The League, everybody gathers around Singed's Bar. Nasus walks over to Warwick. "Yo dawg, what do you think of the new jungle changes?" Asks Nasus. "Dawg, the new Jungle will be great. I can help you out more in top lane, dawg." "Great, dawg." Ahri just rolls her eyes. "Hey Dawgs!" Says Volibear, walking over. Nasus and Warwick just stare at the bear in an identity crisis.

MEANWHILE…

"Did you get it?" Asks Brand, trapped in the rune prison. Malzahar nods. "Yes, the key is right in the-" He is cut off as Kassadin runs by, knocking over the glass of Graggy Ice he had, spilling it into Kog'Maw's cage. Kog'Maw delightfully eat/drink/slurps all of it, including the key that Malzahar had snatched. Brand and Malzahar just stare as Cho'Gath mutters something about 'nom nom nom'.

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><p>Thanks for all your patience! If you wish to discuss the chapter, story, or add a suggestion, follow the link in my profile! Thanks for reading!<p> 


	4. Fanfic Reviews 1

So, I decided I'd do something different; review fanfics! But I'd do it with the characters in my current story, to make it even funnier! So, here you go.

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><p>Gragas pulls out a microphone and announces the event: "Welcome one and all to the first ever FANFIC REVIEW! Here are your judges: Blitzcrank, Rammus, and Riven!" Everybody (except the Noxians, who are disguted by Riven), cheers. "First Fanfic, Champions in Real Life, by Jaykoboy! Singed, if you could?" Singed nods and loads up the fanfic. After reading, the judges look ready to judge. Gragas points to Blitzcrank: "Blitz, your review?" Blitz responds: "WELL. AS A STEAM AUTOMATON, I DO NOT FEEL MUCH EMPATHY OR APATHY TO YOUR FLESHLING EMOTIONS. HOWEVER, I ENJOY THIS STORY. I GIVE IT A SCORE OF 9." Gragas nods in approval. "Why not a 10, though?" He asks. Blitzcrank responds: "NOT ENOUGH SEXUAL SCENES." Everybody just stares at Blitzcrank. Blitz just waves at Orianna. "Moving on…Rammus, your thoughts?" Rammus nods. "Ok." He holds up a sign with a 9.5 on it. "Excellent. And Riven?" Riven just shakes her head. "Why do so many people want to make me have sex with someone?" At this, she glares at Blitzcrank. "I'll give it a 7 for effort, though." Gragas, seeing this coming, tallies the points. "Jaykoboy's fanfic gets a 25.5 out of 30! Good job! Moving on…Annie and Friends by RyuuMasken! Singed?" Singed uploads the story, which is read in about 10 minutes. "Blitzcrank, your vote?" "TEN. I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING BAD AT ALL TO SAY ABOUT THIS. ALL CHARACTERS ARE DONE INCREDIBLY WELL, AND I ENJOY ANNIE'S ADVENTURES THROUGHT THE STORY." Everyone cheers and Annie hugs Tibbers. Gragas nods and looks over to Rammus. "Ok. Alright." Rammus holds up a sign with a ten on it, as does Riven. "I echo what Blitz over there said", replies Riven. "Wow, 30 points! A perfect score! Now, the final fanfic, Guiding Light by Cerubois! Singed, if you will?" Singed pulls up a picture of Gragas dancing on a barrel, which he quickly switches out for the story. Everyone blinks, surprised, and reads it. After a while…<p>

"Blitzcrank, your thoughts?" "AGAIN, I HAVE NOT MUCH KNOWLEDGE OF FLESHLING EMOTIONS INCLUDING LOVE, BUT I QUESTION THE POSSIBILITY OF TWO FEMALES IN INTERCOURSE. NONETHELESS, IT WAS NICELY WRITTEN AND DESERVES AN 8.9462875." Gragas just sorta blinks, then says "I'll take that as a nine. Rammus?" "Mmm. Yeah." Rammus holds up a sign with an 8 on it. "Okay, Riven?" Gragas asks as he looks to Riven. Riven holds up a sign with 10 on it, and simply says "Hi Lux." All hell breaks loose as Garen spins around, clearly pissed. Gragas panics. "Well, that one got 27 out of 30, okay bye!"

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><p>Now, for my ratings.<p>

Champions in Real Life (leagueoflegends . net/board/showthread . php?t=1579593): I really enjoyed this, although some chapters sort of forced the comedy in. 9.5

Annie and Friends (leagueoflegends . net/board/showthread . php?t=740480): I have absolutely nothing bad to say about this. Everything is executed perfectly, every single personality, dialogue, all of it. 10. If I could give it more I would.

Guiding Light (fanfiction . net/s/7599936/1/Guiding_Light) http:/leagueoflegends . net/board/showthread . php?t=1543102 for discussion): I enjoyed this one. It's got some nice plot development going on, and is still in progress. It shows a lot of potential..?t=1543102

Remember, DO NOT give these fanfic writers any crap! I did this of my own volition, because I enjoyed their fanfics. Keep on writing!

(To get to those links, remove all the spaces. Couldn't put the links here unless I had the spaces.


	5. UPDATE

U WOT M8?

My WoW subscription ran out, so I have time to work on this again. Cheer, go ahead. I dun mind.


	6. RETURN

Just over a year and I'm back. You should understand that...I dunno, I don't really have much of a reason for this enormous hiatus. It just kinda happened.

A note: The way I write Zilean is, as far as I know, fairly unique. I use **bold** and _italics_ on him to show that he's either talking normally, **slowly**, or _quickly_. Such is the way of Chrono-displasia.

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><p>After a particularly violent battle on the Rift, Volibear and Olaf were sharing a drink at the eponymous bar.<p>

"And thatsh how I saved all the women of Lokfar!" slurred Olaf. He was a regular at the bar, as both Singed and Gragas knew. Volibear however wasn't, and as such wasn't as drunk as Olaf. He should be glad, when a certain time-beard entered. Voli, of course, leapt to his feet to try and scare off Zilean, as Olaf watched and laughed.

"Zilean, what are _you_ doing here?!" Roared the bear.

"Watching the pitiful _armored bear_ _drink his _**sorrows**_ away_. You were **very poorly collected **last match. Are you _sure you were not already intoxicated_?"

Voli tilted his head. The randomly changing speed of Zilean's voice was confusing to his drunk brain. "Well...Shut up!"

Zilean nodded. "Of course, I **thought so**." He floated off, laughing too himself.

"He'sh a real dick, yeah?" Asked Olaf, chugging another drink.

Voli shrugged. He never did understand why Zilean hated armored bears.

**MEANWHILE, AT THE LEGION OF DOOM** **OTHER SIDE OF THE BAR...**

"Kat, I jusht think it would work, you know? I mean, jusht because I'm from **DEMACIA!** and you're from Noxus doesn't mean we can't be together, you know?"

"Garen...I'm Shyvana."

"Well don't let that get in our way! Come on!


End file.
